Thursday, May 28, 2009

vulnerability requires being self - ish

..and it's not even happening to me.

I just watch. Assist. Pay attention. Worry. Pray. Etc.

It's unfortunate that babies do not declare their due date ahead of time. It's also crazy how much it impacts/will impact my wife. So much I can't control or do. Which is not to say I'm all that diligent at doing the things I'm able to I suppose it's alright. Just ask my wife, who has about 100 things she wants to have prepared before Ruby comes. But eventually, and perhaps without much warning....Ruby will come. Soon. :)

Every step towards family has been an exercise towards vulnerability. Reducing the amount of control I have, and threatening to be broken by an infinite number of fallen avenues this damaged world has to offer. It's best not to think about it, really....the different ways the ones you love could hurt you....or be hurt by others, in turn hurting you. But it's healthy to recognize the imperfect world we're in, I think...especially as those called to announce it's healing/renewing process which has already begun.

Even as far back as the beginning of a dating relationship. Through love. Through marriage, and two becoming one....knowing the world differently than you've known it previously. Continuing into parenthood, allowing your very existence to become transformed once again. In all of it, the practice of letting go of "self". At the same time, it can't be a complete denial of there being a "self". I suppose self is required to hang around still, in order for it to be vulnerable in love to another. But that self continues to be transformed/turned outward towards others. It's been painful at times. I still, especially during playoff season, have fluctuations of the old levels of self I lived by.

I know Paul was not a family man. But I'm curious what new takes/pictures on the good news of the Kingdom Jesus is bringing we would have added to the Bible....if he would have been married/been a parent.

Ah well. I think we got enough to go on...:)

This was probably just a tad too "rant-ish". Ah well. It's late. I'm out of town, reflecting on my brothers wedding, and our newest baby arriving any day now. That's what ya' get. :)

1 comment:

Sarah Anne said...

Hoping to get a few more things checked off my list today :<)

Love you