Friday, December 18, 2009

fathering.

"she's worse."

The only words I caught before our 30 lbs. 3-year old was plopped on my lap at 10:50pm. We'd just finished a movie, and I'd thought were both getting ready for bed the way we do (I stoppin' by to check NHL scores and glimpse the e-mail, she washin' her face all proper-like). But Sarah had, mother that she is, peeked in on Addie, who wasn't feeling well earlier.

Sure enough, it was like holding a human furnace. The thermometer told us "103.7", which is pretty stinkin' high from my experience. While I was thinking about what we should do, Sarah was launched in doing things. Cold milk, ice water, and putting our shaky little girl into the tub while I dialed our poor Pediatrician. The fever relented a little.

In retrospect, I'm able to relive those moments with more appreciation...and fear, at the same time.

Holding our fragile, 30 pound, weak and trembling sick daughter in my arms....burning and groaning with fever...I felt without control. I remember being a teenager, or even a young adult...and having circumstances where I felt out of control. I'd take gettin' dumped/rejected by a girl, or denied a job ANY day, over this feeling. It's the kind of powerful, compelling fear that brings me as a parent, broken before God....and asking for His help with this whole thing. Scary stuff.

But it's also amazing. Seriously. This has meaning. Taking care of this little girl, this future young woman, this future woman, this future mother and grandmother....whoa. Encapsulated. Pregnant within this 30 pound 3-year old is a life full of potential, hope, and Future. The infinite number of possibilities I comforted, held, and offered ice water to this evening....whew. And I have three of these girls.

Lord, be with me as I aim to be Faithful to all of the awe that continues to fill this home, and our family....(even when the girl talked about above totally napped so much during the late day/evening that she didn't want to go to bed at ALL after the above moments. :) )

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